I've decided to write down the secrets to my post baby weight loss. I am happy to report that as of this week I am back to pre prego weight woo hoo! Now, mind you, the body doesn't resemble the one I had prior to 2 babies...just the weight is back :)
So here's a recap of my day today that will give some helpful hints on how to get back to that weight!
1. Start the day bright and early, around 5:45...now make sure that you've been up at least 3 times during the night so you're good and crazy.
2. Go into baby's room (if you don't have a baby just go into another room and pick up a large 20lb sack of potatoes off the floor) and pick him up out of the crib and carry him downstairs. Now hold him down kicking and screaming while you try to change his diaper. (If you don't have a baby just wrestle with the potatoes for 2 minutes or so)
3. Drink coffee, no breakfast yet. Then make breakfast for 4 people. You will eat your breakfast bite by bite over a period of 1-2 hours and in between you'll be bending over multiple times to pick up food bits that you've stepped on and taking baby (potatoes) in and out of high chair. This is the best way to make sure your calorie consumption matches what you're burning.
4. Put baby (potatoes) back into crib after changing at least one more diaper...commence wrestling again...2nd set.
5. Now the race begins. Within 2 hours make sure you clean the kitchen, get dressed, bribe, yell at or cry to get older daughter dressed, make 3 lunches, play and have special time with older daughter (or cat, dog, another sack of potatoes) and figure out if you're really going to make it out of the house today.
6. Go back upstairs and lift baby out of crib and wrestle again...3rd set.
7. Go downstairs and wrestle princess clothes off older daughter (cat, dog, potatoes) while holding baby and get everything into the car one handed. You may be a bit out of breath by this point but just take your pulse and get a drink of water. This is the last drink you'll have until about 8:00 tonight...all part of the plan!
8. Go anywhere that the kids can run around. The baby won't be able to run so, don't worry! You're workout continues! Now bend over at waist and hold baby's (cat's, dog's) hands (paws) and hoist him up while he runs and trips all over the place. Keep those hips tucked under and those abs tight!
9. Haul everyone back to the car and eat whatever snacks are left in the bottom of the snack bag. Now by the time you get home it will be nap time! So drag everyone upstairs one at a time and throw them into bed.
10. Back downstairs with 2 loads of laundry, make dinner (at 2:30) and clean up the kitchen....2nd set.
11. Don't give up now you're doing great! Get baby out of crib...3rd set...and come downstairs again. Chase baby in and out of the house and don't get too comfortable! He wants to climb on everything and put stuff in his mouth! Stay alert!
12. Turn on Little Bear for daughter and take 5 deep breaths because the kids will both be enthralled. Now go back to the kitchen and get snacks out and make sure that dinner isn't rotting or burning, depending on what's cooking.
13. Run around and play pretend and break up fights between kids and keep going in and out of kitchen to make sure dinner hasn't spontaneously combusted. Then go upstairs with both kids and give them a bath.
14. Put baby back in high chair...he'll be screaming as loud as a blow horn for his food but don't forget the daughter's food too! Deliver food to the table, realize that you forgot yours. Get up go back to kitchen, get you food, sit down. Get back up cuz you forgot drinks, go back into kitchen and sit down....2nd set.
15. Take a bite of food now.
16. Get up go back into kitchen...3rd set... and get towels and re-pour juice that daughter has spilled all over the table. Sit down. Take a bite. Get up and go back into the kitchen...4th set...and get ANOTHER towel...you can do it!...because daughter has spilled second cup of juice all over the floor.
17. The baby (potatoes) will be good and ticked off by now cuz he's spread all the food into his nice clean hair and is still hungry, don't give up! Now give baby some more food and scrub juice out of the carpet.
18. We're on the home stretch! Now sit down and take another bite. Take a deep breath...in....and out.....
19. Now get baby out of high chair, tell daughter that she cannot have jellybeans with dinner and clean up the 4 lbs of food that are beneath high chair. Take another bite....it's all about the calories people!
20. Now it's time to either scarf the food or just take in the knowledge that eating just isn't in the cards for you tonight because daughter is now trying to put necklaces on the baby and that baby is trying to climb the book shelf.
21. Go back into kitchen....5th set...after getting baby settled and clean kitchen...3rd set? 4th? Who's keeping track? Wrestle clothes off baby, put on jammies, and put him back in the crib. Then put daughter to bed with a little more wrestling and whining and hope that no one gets up in the next couple hours while you're doing laundry!
And you made it! All right! Now get yourself that glass of water! You deserve it!
On second thought...just get a gym membership.
So here's a recap of my day today that will give some helpful hints on how to get back to that weight!
1. Start the day bright and early, around 5:45...now make sure that you've been up at least 3 times during the night so you're good and crazy.
2. Go into baby's room (if you don't have a baby just go into another room and pick up a large 20lb sack of potatoes off the floor) and pick him up out of the crib and carry him downstairs. Now hold him down kicking and screaming while you try to change his diaper. (If you don't have a baby just wrestle with the potatoes for 2 minutes or so)
3. Drink coffee, no breakfast yet. Then make breakfast for 4 people. You will eat your breakfast bite by bite over a period of 1-2 hours and in between you'll be bending over multiple times to pick up food bits that you've stepped on and taking baby (potatoes) in and out of high chair. This is the best way to make sure your calorie consumption matches what you're burning.
4. Put baby (potatoes) back into crib after changing at least one more diaper...commence wrestling again...2nd set.
5. Now the race begins. Within 2 hours make sure you clean the kitchen, get dressed, bribe, yell at or cry to get older daughter dressed, make 3 lunches, play and have special time with older daughter (or cat, dog, another sack of potatoes) and figure out if you're really going to make it out of the house today.
6. Go back upstairs and lift baby out of crib and wrestle again...3rd set.
7. Go downstairs and wrestle princess clothes off older daughter (cat, dog, potatoes) while holding baby and get everything into the car one handed. You may be a bit out of breath by this point but just take your pulse and get a drink of water. This is the last drink you'll have until about 8:00 tonight...all part of the plan!
8. Go anywhere that the kids can run around. The baby won't be able to run so, don't worry! You're workout continues! Now bend over at waist and hold baby's (cat's, dog's) hands (paws) and hoist him up while he runs and trips all over the place. Keep those hips tucked under and those abs tight!
9. Haul everyone back to the car and eat whatever snacks are left in the bottom of the snack bag. Now by the time you get home it will be nap time! So drag everyone upstairs one at a time and throw them into bed.
10. Back downstairs with 2 loads of laundry, make dinner (at 2:30) and clean up the kitchen....2nd set.
11. Don't give up now you're doing great! Get baby out of crib...3rd set...and come downstairs again. Chase baby in and out of the house and don't get too comfortable! He wants to climb on everything and put stuff in his mouth! Stay alert!
12. Turn on Little Bear for daughter and take 5 deep breaths because the kids will both be enthralled. Now go back to the kitchen and get snacks out and make sure that dinner isn't rotting or burning, depending on what's cooking.
13. Run around and play pretend and break up fights between kids and keep going in and out of kitchen to make sure dinner hasn't spontaneously combusted. Then go upstairs with both kids and give them a bath.
14. Put baby back in high chair...he'll be screaming as loud as a blow horn for his food but don't forget the daughter's food too! Deliver food to the table, realize that you forgot yours. Get up go back to kitchen, get you food, sit down. Get back up cuz you forgot drinks, go back into kitchen and sit down....2nd set.
15. Take a bite of food now.
16. Get up go back into kitchen...3rd set... and get towels and re-pour juice that daughter has spilled all over the table. Sit down. Take a bite. Get up and go back into the kitchen...4th set...and get ANOTHER towel...you can do it!...because daughter has spilled second cup of juice all over the floor.
17. The baby (potatoes) will be good and ticked off by now cuz he's spread all the food into his nice clean hair and is still hungry, don't give up! Now give baby some more food and scrub juice out of the carpet.
18. We're on the home stretch! Now sit down and take another bite. Take a deep breath...in....and out.....
19. Now get baby out of high chair, tell daughter that she cannot have jellybeans with dinner and clean up the 4 lbs of food that are beneath high chair. Take another bite....it's all about the calories people!
20. Now it's time to either scarf the food or just take in the knowledge that eating just isn't in the cards for you tonight because daughter is now trying to put necklaces on the baby and that baby is trying to climb the book shelf.
21. Go back into kitchen....5th set...after getting baby settled and clean kitchen...3rd set? 4th? Who's keeping track? Wrestle clothes off baby, put on jammies, and put him back in the crib. Then put daughter to bed with a little more wrestling and whining and hope that no one gets up in the next couple hours while you're doing laundry!
And you made it! All right! Now get yourself that glass of water! You deserve it!
On second thought...just get a gym membership.
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