Our house has been a bit of a war zone the last few months. I am now in the throws of sibling rivalry, grumpy mommy syndrome, the terrible twos and sensitive preschooler syndrome. I'm pretty sure I will just be venting right now so bear with me please.
I have been struggling every day to make things work. Trying to keep the house clean enough so that things don't get stepped on, trying to give the kids the attention that they need, trying to give myself some much needed down time and trying to stay sane. None of it is working.
Chloe has been feeling the brunt of my stress and has been acting out by crying and screaming at any little disruption (such as the wrong color spoon) and doing everything she can to make her brother as miserable as she is. When this happens I get more frustrated with her and my patience wears more and more thin. It has come to the point where I have days that I wish she could just stay in her room all day. And I thought this didn't come until high school.
Anyway, I have had to forget any personal time during the day so that I can have a bit of peace in the afternoons when the poop seems to hit the fan. Chloe is starting to feel a bit more like herself but I am getting worried that I won't be able to keep it up. I am tired, have the flu and with Brian working late so much I have no sanity left. But I know I have to keep it up for a while until she realizes that my stress does not equal loss of love for her. That's my main struggle. We are making a bit of progress but, ugh, it's hard.
Struggle #2 is the house. When you live in a small house with 2 small kids and are trapped in it every day, well....trapped is the key word. When I used to think of being a stay-at-home mom I thought that life would get easier and more relaxing as they got older. Of course there would be tough times but overall the experience would be so rewarding that it all made up for it. Yeah...not so much lately. The constant cleaning just to keep from stepping or tripping over things. Not to mention the lack of actual cleanliness in the house because I'm so busy with the clutter. Spills, food everywhere, glitter, glue, paper scraps, toys...it's making me nuts. It's as if I was at work and kept doing the same project over and over every day only to have someone come along and destroy it every time I leave the room. It's builds up after a few years.
Struggle #3 would be the total lack of time for myself. That means time with Brian, time with friends without the kids around, or just time all by myself to get things accomplished...or to just relax. I feel like I am working from the second I wake up until 11:30pm every single day.
I know this is just a struggling period and I know that it is temporary so don't worry, I am not having a psychotic episode. Not yet anyway :) I love my kids more than I can say and I miss and love Brian as much, if not more. I am lucky to have the things I have and the people I have in my life. Especially the ones who will read this, laugh, shake their heads and know that I just need to blow off some steam.
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