This is a year of trying new things. I am working on my portfolio for the first time, getting my drawings out on my blog for people to see (which always scared me quite a bit) and I will be dancing on stage for the first time in my life.
Chloe is in a very family oriented dance studio. They don't go overboard with 8 year olds dancing to sexually explicit songs, they keep the families involved as much as they can and they even have father/ daughter and mother/daughter dances at every recital. Chloe and Brian really loved doing the father daughter dances the last couple years and I was expecting Chloe to go for it again this year. This year she wanted to do mother/daughter. I was both thrilled and terrified at the same time. Thrilled because I know how much fun she has had the last couple years dancing with her daddy and she gave that up to dance with me. What an honor! Terrified because, well, I've never danced on stage before. I've really not done a whole lot of anything on stage. But hey, it looked like SO much fun I was excited.
The first day of dance class came and went and it was a lot of fun! And with each passing class I realized that it wasn't so hard either. I could totally picture myself being on stage and not having a nervous breakdown or tantum backstage...cool! Then I saw the costume.
Every year the mothers costumes are very tasteful and are very...well...appropriate for all the different shapes and sizes that we mommys come in. They are usually loose, flowing and don't let anyone know too much information about what your packing. This year the teacher either lost her mind a little bit, or decided to push the comfort level of novice middle aged dancers. The girls are tight rope walkers...crazy cute, colorful costumes that the girls look amazing in...and we are the ring leaders...a top hat, tails, leotard and fishnets...that's it. Our entire bottom half exposed to a crowd of hundreds.
The next class Miss Meg obviously had gotten a ton of hate mail and was explaining that we could put pants or shorts or a skirt underneath, whatever we were comfortable in...Phew! I got more comfortable and actually found an adorable pair of sequins shorts online that weren't too short or too tight...I bought them and felt like I would look AH-MAZING. Or, as amazing as a 37 year old in sequins shorts and fishnets could look...I could do this! I would totally look like this.....
Then I got the shorts in the mail. OK it was my own fault. When ordering from a dance store, unless you are an actual dancer, the sizes tend to run on the small side...I mean, really small side. I figured ordering a large would be just fine considering I usually wear a medium. Not the case...Unless they made an XXL sequin dance short for women there is now way this would work for me.....
The sides were a good 4 inches apart and that was after I hiked them up to my belly button...in which case my hiney was sticking out the back...uh oh. I was starting to sweat a bit. I knew wearing the leotard on its own was SO not an option. I started thinking of other options..a tutu? A cute skirt? Booty shorts? Well, no big deal, I'll wait to get the costume and then figure out what I can put with it.
Weeks go by and picture day is rapidly approaching...yes there is picture day where my loveliness will be forever captured on film and treasured for all time. But that's not the point, yet. We missed a week because of a camping trip and a mutual mortified mommy emailed me to let me know the costumes had arrived....and that when she put it on it reminded her of something you'd wear if you were serving drinks in a cheap casino in Vegas...oh goody!
We go in the next week (yesterday) and see the costumes, picture day is one week away...oh crap. They are little, high cut, completely exposed on the side hip and come with this...hat. It's something that we thought was for the girls...a sparkly, mini top hat...that kinda looks like something you'd put on a shitzu for a dress up picture. Surely that wasn't for the moms right? Yeah, that was our hat...tiny top hat...tiny sparkly top hat...with a black chin strap. Oh my lord.
Four of us sprinted outside after class in hysterics, almost in a panic over what we were going to do...I'd go to Party City and the dance store to see if they had anything, someone else would look online and we'd all keep each other informed if we found the perfect cover up...it didn't happen. There is nothing out there in performance dance wear for the middle aged mom. Wow really?
I get home and try to keep my hopes up...I mean, I could still rock this costume like I had originally planned! I am in pretty good shape! I run a bit, I workout, I eat really healthy, I still look decent in a bathing suit. It's not like I'm going to be onstage in a bikini...I can pull this off if I have to! Yes! YES I can!
Oooooh no...NO I can't. The sleeves are too short the whole jacket is crazy tight ALL over, the leotard...well...I'm 5'11" tall and they don't make leotards for anyone that height...things are pulling in all the wrong places. I am bulging and lumping and look like someone who thinks they can still fit onto their outfit from their early 20's...yes I can still get it on...but I shouldn't! I am still curious as to what I am going to do about all of this. I just got this thing yesterday and am trying to process the fact that I will be performing on stage in it. And should at least try to look confident and happy to be dancing with my daughter. I will just hope that I find something cute for my buns and channel my inner Liza...with Mrs Incredible's posterior.
Chloe is in a very family oriented dance studio. They don't go overboard with 8 year olds dancing to sexually explicit songs, they keep the families involved as much as they can and they even have father/ daughter and mother/daughter dances at every recital. Chloe and Brian really loved doing the father daughter dances the last couple years and I was expecting Chloe to go for it again this year. This year she wanted to do mother/daughter. I was both thrilled and terrified at the same time. Thrilled because I know how much fun she has had the last couple years dancing with her daddy and she gave that up to dance with me. What an honor! Terrified because, well, I've never danced on stage before. I've really not done a whole lot of anything on stage. But hey, it looked like SO much fun I was excited.
The first day of dance class came and went and it was a lot of fun! And with each passing class I realized that it wasn't so hard either. I could totally picture myself being on stage and not having a nervous breakdown or tantum backstage...cool! Then I saw the costume.
Every year the mothers costumes are very tasteful and are very...well...appropriate for all the different shapes and sizes that we mommys come in. They are usually loose, flowing and don't let anyone know too much information about what your packing. This year the teacher either lost her mind a little bit, or decided to push the comfort level of novice middle aged dancers. The girls are tight rope walkers...crazy cute, colorful costumes that the girls look amazing in...and we are the ring leaders...a top hat, tails, leotard and fishnets...that's it. Our entire bottom half exposed to a crowd of hundreds.
The next class Miss Meg obviously had gotten a ton of hate mail and was explaining that we could put pants or shorts or a skirt underneath, whatever we were comfortable in...Phew! I got more comfortable and actually found an adorable pair of sequins shorts online that weren't too short or too tight...I bought them and felt like I would look AH-MAZING. Or, as amazing as a 37 year old in sequins shorts and fishnets could look...I could do this! I would totally look like this.....
Then I got the shorts in the mail. OK it was my own fault. When ordering from a dance store, unless you are an actual dancer, the sizes tend to run on the small side...I mean, really small side. I figured ordering a large would be just fine considering I usually wear a medium. Not the case...Unless they made an XXL sequin dance short for women there is now way this would work for me.....
The sides were a good 4 inches apart and that was after I hiked them up to my belly button...in which case my hiney was sticking out the back...uh oh. I was starting to sweat a bit. I knew wearing the leotard on its own was SO not an option. I started thinking of other options..a tutu? A cute skirt? Booty shorts? Well, no big deal, I'll wait to get the costume and then figure out what I can put with it.
Weeks go by and picture day is rapidly approaching...yes there is picture day where my loveliness will be forever captured on film and treasured for all time. But that's not the point, yet. We missed a week because of a camping trip and a mutual mortified mommy emailed me to let me know the costumes had arrived....and that when she put it on it reminded her of something you'd wear if you were serving drinks in a cheap casino in Vegas...oh goody!
We go in the next week (yesterday) and see the costumes, picture day is one week away...oh crap. They are little, high cut, completely exposed on the side hip and come with this...hat. It's something that we thought was for the girls...a sparkly, mini top hat...that kinda looks like something you'd put on a shitzu for a dress up picture. Surely that wasn't for the moms right? Yeah, that was our hat...tiny top hat...tiny sparkly top hat...with a black chin strap. Oh my lord.
Four of us sprinted outside after class in hysterics, almost in a panic over what we were going to do...I'd go to Party City and the dance store to see if they had anything, someone else would look online and we'd all keep each other informed if we found the perfect cover up...it didn't happen. There is nothing out there in performance dance wear for the middle aged mom. Wow really?
I get home and try to keep my hopes up...I mean, I could still rock this costume like I had originally planned! I am in pretty good shape! I run a bit, I workout, I eat really healthy, I still look decent in a bathing suit. It's not like I'm going to be onstage in a bikini...I can pull this off if I have to! Yes! YES I can!
Oooooh no...NO I can't. The sleeves are too short the whole jacket is crazy tight ALL over, the leotard...well...I'm 5'11" tall and they don't make leotards for anyone that height...things are pulling in all the wrong places. I am bulging and lumping and look like someone who thinks they can still fit onto their outfit from their early 20's...yes I can still get it on...but I shouldn't! I am still curious as to what I am going to do about all of this. I just got this thing yesterday and am trying to process the fact that I will be performing on stage in it. And should at least try to look confident and happy to be dancing with my daughter. I will just hope that I find something cute for my buns and channel my inner Liza...with Mrs Incredible's posterior.
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